Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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