her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
