don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
