I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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