i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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