Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
