so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
