I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
