How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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