So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize