He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
