how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
