Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
