There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
