gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
