She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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