I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
