i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
