idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
