He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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