just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
