she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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