Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
