She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
