What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
