if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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