My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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