your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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