i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
