FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
