friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
