My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
