It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
