dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
