Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
