you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
