i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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