you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize