My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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