if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize