ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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