I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
