Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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