you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
