I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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