The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
