9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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