Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
