Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Someone signed my nipple.
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