Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
