508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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