we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
