my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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