But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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