btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
