What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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