Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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