By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
