using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
