I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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