Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
