I am in a vortex of obligation.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
