why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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