I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Two words: blizzard sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize