Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How naked do you want me to be?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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