wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
