He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
