Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
