what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
