It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
