I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
