I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
