I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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